I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
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But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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