You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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