I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
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The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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