Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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