I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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