I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize