Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
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Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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