Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
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I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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