my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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