I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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