I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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