she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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