It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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