So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
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I need a burrito and a hug.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
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