So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
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They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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