At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize