There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize