I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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