Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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