in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
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He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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