Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
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She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
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I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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