I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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