where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
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You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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