So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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