Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
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He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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