This girl is more easily done than said...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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