I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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