my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
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He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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