we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
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Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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