i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize