jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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