so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Farmville is her only friend.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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