I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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