My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
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I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
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I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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