I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
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My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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