You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
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i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
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Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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