Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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