The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We had to coat check the pizza.
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Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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