just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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