she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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