you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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