I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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