im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize