I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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