I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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