My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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