The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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