It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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