I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I wear drunk well.
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