Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize